Wetherby RUFC U12s Tour (2008)

Tour diary

Saturday 5th April - Laser Battlefield...

Another year on since our last tour and it was time to do it again, this time to the North East of England and to our hosts at Blaydon RFC. All was looking well in the run up to the tour - spring appeared to have sprung and all the arrangements had been made. Even our new shirts arrived with about 12 hours to spare thanks to the efforts of Mr Doughty and so we gathered at Grange Park for our short journey north.

Now, the key word here is north. North often means colder and so it was that winter decided to reappear and tighten its icy grip on the north east. First stop was straight to the laser battlefield where occasional snow flurries caused the webmeister some worries as he had turned down the tropical indoor swimming option in favour of a laser skirmish in the woods just outside Blaydon. Was this wise? Would everyone freeze and need to be airlifted out in the Wetherby Chinook?

Well, apparently not. The sun came out and everyone had a great time, particularly the parents who all seemed to be offered sniper rifles, so they could settle in their favourite outdoor armchairs and shoot the boys at their leisure. So it was that the first skirmish was won hands down by the old dogs of war. However, the dads didn't realise how quickly the lads would learn and the oldies took a severe battering in the second skirmish.

Saturday 5th April - Back at the hotel...

After everyone had warmed up and the boys had destroyed the hotel towels by cleaning off their camouflage face paint on them in order to save on hot water and soap, we all retired to the dining shed for our evening meal.

Two eggs were served to the webmaster on account of him having twins in the team. This caused some consternation amongst the other parents who complained bitterly to no avail. To be fair, two eggs is a poor reward for the job of being Burke and Hare's keeper and general dogsbody.

Little time to hang around though as we head off to our next stop at the Metro Centre...

Saturday 5th April - Megabowl @ The Metro Centre

Who would have thought after the trouble in Telford last year where we covered the same mileage as on the Paris-Dakar rally in order to find the bowling alley that history would repeat itself this year. The Metro Centre beckons you in with its palaces of glittering delights and easy signage from the A1, but once lured into the bowels of this megalith you are trapped - destined forever to drive around and around, constantly going past the same McDonald's every 5 minutes as if trapped in some bizarre real-life episode of Tales of the Unexpected.

Undeterred, the hardy drivers pressed on. David Fox decided to take a slightly illegal right turn into the yellow quadrant, followed by the local constabulary. Mr Fox's smooth patter and crisp tenner folded neatly inside his driver's licence saw him let off this time. He was closely followed by the Chairman, Gavin Davies who was in turn followed from the McDonalds by the webmaster who was almost squashed by a bus whilst making the same illegal right turn.

Once we had all arrived some 30 minutes apart the bowling began. The boys decided to try to save time by bowling with two balls at a time, much to the consternation of the Chairman who prised himself away from the company of the Wetherby mums to chastise the errant lads.

The parents stayed away from the lads after last year's dismal efforts to bowl against them where the oldies lost badly. Apparently this year, Martin Shaw came last, even falling behind the bowling alley novice that is Mr. Chelper. Never mind Martin, next year we'll put the side bumpers up for you and get a six foot wide ball...

Saturday 5th April - back to the hotel

Bowling over, it was time to head back to the hotel and to herd the boys to their rooms for a good night's sleep before the games on Sunday. This, however, was wishful thinking as the lads wandered the corridors of the Holiday Inn like a herd of lost Wildebeest, raiding each other's rooms and trying to catch the U9s football team who were playing knock and run on the room doors.

Eventually the boys settled down with the exception of Tom Fox who popped down to the bar with his henchmen Burke and Hare and the brains of the outfit, James Shaw. They were to be seen propping up the bar, ordering J20s like they were going out of fashion and getting beaten by the aforementioned U9s football team on the pool table.

Meanwhile, a hard core of foolish parents decided to stay up late and chew the fat. To achieve this, they ordered a kebab to be delivered which was scanned by the laser vision of Ian Doughty to ensure food poisoning would not follow.

The evening progressed in a more than surreal fashion with various characters from various late night horror and road trip movies making appearances in the hotel foyer. The final straw was when a real-life Thelma and Louise appeared around the Wetherby table. At this point, the remaining parents decided it was time to run away and so Saturday drew to a close.

Sunday 6th April - breakfast, pre-match conference and Blaydon!

Sunday started quietly enough. Most of the parents made it to the breakfast table in good time, with one or two (you know who you are) requiring an early morning knock from the Chairman. Joe Doughty had his customary three breakfasts before everyone headed off to check out before the pre-match conference in the hotel.